"Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?"

     "Nay, but prithee, with sprinkles 'pon it instead, and frosting of white."

    I feel like a freaking vampire. But instead of the blood of meat-sack mortals, I am slavering over doughnuts and soda. I just catch a whiff of something unhealthy and I go half-crazy then and there: instant predator. If I were in the natural habitat of the pastries I would be in panther crouch, downwind from the elusive jelly-filled, slowly prowling amongst the tall grasses, waiting for just the time to pounce. I would strike quickly, fatally. The kill must be clean. A jelly only wounded is a deadly foe. But I have to turn away from the Hunger, and it pains me.

     As you may have surmised, I'm on the diet again. And the first week is always the hardest. But the first two days with foods lacking in sugar and carbohydrates: miserable. Eating only meat and non-starch veggies makes me have super-smell when it comes to those forbidden foods. I walked into Safeway with Justin today and barely stopped myself from indulging in every available terrible food--I wanted so badly to wash a custard-filled doughnut down with a liter of cream-soda. Stupid teenage addiction to unhealthiness. Naturally, Justin bought about ten of those yummy fruit-topped danishes to wave in my face and tempt me with. Damnit, I just realized that I made him sign a contract that bound him to the duty of ensuring that I do not fall to food and soda temptation! But it only mentioned fast food, so I guess that doesn't count. Slippery, tricksy Justinses.

     Mom promises that after two or three days cravings for sugar and such will wane. I know she's right, since I've gone on diets before and eventually the idea of those foods disgust me, but until that day they drive me crazy with food-lust.

     Gotta take one for the gay community though, and get in a little bit better shape. It'll be good for me, I'm sure. I applied for a job today, by the way, because a guy at the place quit, but I've tried to be optimistic about possible jobs I'd get and that never works, so I'll just be my normal pessimistic self and expect that they'll never call me. Ah, well.

     Justin and I have been talking a lot about the Dresden RPG. I had an idea for a character, but it looks like Justin is moving toward sort of a similar idea. Well, not really. I wanted to make a former Knight of the Cross, who lost his faith because he wasn't smart enough (or fast enough, or tough enough or whatever) to save a loved one, or maybe who had to let a Denarian off on the whole "I might fight Redemption--not really, but you have to let me go just in case" principle only to have that same Denarian kill one of his family members. It was originally going to be a daughter or wife or something, but I just realized I've never played a gay character in any RPG, so fuck it. This character is gay. The Denarian killed his partner. So he loses his faith in whatever Higher Being he believes in, and ditches Esperacchius. (The Angel Michael then picked it up and passed it along to Sanya.)

   Anyway, the former Knight of the Sword might play as just that for a few sessions, with little to no supernatural power, but then I want Sanya to drop in on the character beseeching him to take up one of the Swords, because Sanya is too hard-pressed being the only active Knight. So the character would, hesitantly, agree to carry the Sword for a little while. (I don't know if I want him to use Amoracchius or Fidelacchius. Since he lost his faith, it might be more fitting for him to use the Sword of Faith, for Irony's sake. Or maybe he'll turn that one down because of that reason, and will only agree to take up the Sword of Love in honor of his lost love. I dunno. If Justin chooses one I'll take the other, obviously.)

     Justin wants a Knight with an anger problem, so saying that we both have the same idea for a character is complete bull-shit, of course. I just mean we were both considering the same template. Justin's been bouncing back and forth between playing a Warden, a Pure "Vanilla" Mortal, or the Knight. He wanted a character that was actually good (because he always plays evil, or at least Chaotic Neutral, characters and wants something new) so he asked me what that would be. I had to explain that Wardens don't fight for Justice, necessarily--they just fight for A) The White Council of Wizards and B) Preserving and upholding the Seven Laws of Magic. That almost made him choose a Knight right there, but I told him that just because it's not your explicit duty to fight for justice as a Warden, you're definitely entitled to. Harry and Carlos Ramirez are both pro-justice whilst being Wardens.

     Justin also wanted to make sure he could use a gun, and that made him lean toward Pure Mortal. Once again, I assured him that there are plenty of examples of supernatural character types using conventional weaponry. (For example; Sanya uses a Kalishnikov, Harry uses a revolver and shot-gun, and Carlos typically has a belt of fragmentation grenades at hand.) I think the only thing he's hung-up about when it comes to playing a Warden is his desire to kill with magic, the big First Law no-no. We've had a few long discussions about what is and is not killing with magic, but until we actually have a group together to make House-Rules regarding the specifics, we won't have a specific answer.

     I have school tomorrow, so I have to cut the blathering about stuff you people don't care about.